by Jill Ng
As I take deeper breaths in the Northwoods of Wisconsin, a cool, swift wind covers me with peace. The God who created us, the One who takes great delight in our very existence is easier to process as life slows down in the relaxing pace of summer. Among the trees, my soul is refreshed, that challenges the nagging twinge in my spine.
Despite the beauty of nature and overwhelming peace, there have been moments of panic which accompany my anticipation of our return from this refuge of trees. There is a stress that creeps in when I face what “real life” awaits back home.
Our calendar, which has now been vague and sparse for months, has suddenly filled up with fall sports schedules, school supply lists, to-dos, and dozens of various events. When I glance at what is coming, a deep ache within me emerges. There is a shadow overhead as I look ahead to the next season.
As the warm summer air turns crisp, the shift is welcome and burdensome all at once. Like a child grasping for breath as they emerge from water that was deeper than expected, I can feel my body panicking, my heart pounding, my thoughts racing. Amidst the complex duality of the changing of seasons, I came upon a poem written by David, a shepherd boy turned king of Israel, that we know as Psalm 18.
In this psalm, David speaks of the incredible stress of his circumstances. He was being emotionally, physically, and spiritually challenged by those around him. He has fled death more than once and worse: the apathy of the people around him must have exhausted him. Even in these moments of emotional and circumstantial uncertainty, when the ground felt unstable beneath him, David looked to the One who has enough strength to share.
Remember, these words you are about to read were written by a king. David saw himself as just a man, but those reading this likely know it was a king speaking these words. While he had soldiers awaiting his every command and those around him meeting all his needs, David probably still felt the relatable instability of this world. Perhaps he looked around and felt alone in the midst of many who exalted him, the brave leader they wanted him to be.
Perhaps the unrealistic expectations placed on him by those who had put him on a pedestal made him feel alone. But the weight of being the one whom others relied on allowed him to notice his weaknesses, his inability to provide what everyone else needed or wanted. Instead of wanting to be enough for those around him, David looked to the One who actually is enough.
1 “I love you, Lord, my strength.” 2 The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
David cries out to the God who is the rock; the foundation on which he builds his life. He looks to the One who protects him and repeatedly provides him with safety. The only place this leader of a holy nation can find security is in the God who created him. King David trusts God to provide for him again and again because he knows God is the sole source of his deepest comfort and reprieve.
3 I called to the LORD, who is worthy of praise, and I have been saved from my enemies. 4 The cords of death entangle me; the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me. 5 The cords of the grace coiled around me; the snares of death confronted me.
David speaks while he is overwhelmed by the threat of death, but also notices the prevalent despair he experiences within himself. The dangers around him are legitimately terrifying. Instead of allowing himself to sink into despair, he leans into a grace which covers the snares and releases him from torment.
The casual way David describes the depth of his anguish brings both comfort and distress to my own awareness of my anxieties. The comfort comes from the awareness that I am not alone in feeling the world is too much for me. My distress is rooted in noticing this has been a common experience for other humans spanning centuries. The comfort and distress are both real within me, but which one truly prevails?
While the routine of schedules, bedtimes, and predictability can bring comfort at times, it is okay if this season brings fear, overwhelm, and anxieties. There is no need to turn away from inability and attempt to face the darkness of uncertain circumstances.I do not need to ignore these feelings but notice them and release them to God.
Our greatest burdens can be shared with trusted friends and our trustworthy God. He is not shaken or disrupted by our need for Him, rather He created us with this disposition. Similar to an emergency paramedics team, he expectantly awaits knowing His people will require His intervention.
God is eager to comfort you and offer you His peace and meet you in the agony of overwhelm. Like David, we too can find peace.
David praises God for His swift, willing, and even eager desire to enter into our darkest moments as he recalls the times God has previously been his refuge. In the stressful seasons, he invites all people to rely on the God who offers safety in the least stable moments. He can be a safe, secure place of comfort and stability for those who turn to Him and submit to His majesty, but, what does this actually look like? How do we lean into God’s desire to become our safest place?
6 In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears. 7 The earth trembled and quaked, And the foundations of the mountains shook; They trembled because he was angry. Smoke rose from his nostrils; Consuming fire came from his mouth, Burning coals blazed out of it.
David shouted, cried out to God and gave God the problems, fears, and overwhelm he felt. God, in response, heard David. He was listening. God deeply values those who cry out to Him, those who trust He will in fact intervene in their lives. Filled with fury at the way His child, one that He loves so incredibly, struggles. However, this is not the best part…
8 He parted the heavens and came down; dark clouds were under his feet. 10 He mounted the cherubim and flew; he soared on the wings of the wind. 11 He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him— the dark rain clouds of the sky.
While I am not convinced God literally came down physically before David's eyes, I have felt the presence of the same God in a similar way David describes here. There can be a tangible connection with our God who has the authentic desire to swoop in and allow the darkness to hide His next steps. Regardless of the literal or metaphorical nature of David’s language, God is not only a God who dwells among His people to bring them comfort, He is also a God of action.
12 Out of the brightness of his presence clouds advanced. with hailstones and bolts of lightening. 13 The LORD thundered from heaven; The voice of the Most Hight resounded. 14 He shot his arrows and scattered the enemy, with great bolts of lightening he routed them.
The LORD God literally took the pain of David, his fears and struggles, and showed them His power. He fought the enemy on behalf of David; He took matters into His own hands.
15 The valleys of the sea were exposed And the foundations of the earth laid bare at your rebuke, LORD, at the blast of breath from your nostrils. 16 He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters. 17 He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes who were too strong from me. 18 They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the LORD was my support. 19 He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.
Then, the psalm continues to describe the ways God interacts with David and can relate with us. David describes God as fair and faithful to those who care about the impact of their behavior, turn away from their self-dependance, and restore their relationship with God. David concludes this psalm with praising God for who He is for a couple dozen verses before continuing with these words:
47 He is the God who avenges me, who subdues nations under me, 48 who saves me from my enemies. You exalted me above my foes; from a violent man you rescued me. 49 Therefore I will praise you, LORD, among the nations; I will sing the praises of your name.
As you anticipate the shift of expectations or the weight of what everyone else needs you to be as the summer sun sets and the autumn sun rises, turn to the only One who will fight your battles for you. May you notice He has never made promises to keep us out of storms and battles, but promised to remain with us in every circumstance.
Then, as you experience this peace and comfort our God provides, remember where you can find ultimate refuge. We were not created to flourish here on Earth, but we were created to experience the love of our God who expectantly awaits our need for Him. He is delighted when He gets to be your source of comfort and safety.
So, whenever you realize you are not enough, may you be grateful you don’t have to be. You only need to reach out to the God who is—and who always has been—enough.
Jill Ng, one of our newest Redbuds, communicates through storytelling to make theology accessible. She is also the founder of the Evermore Collective & You Have What It Takes: A Podcast, and author of Never Too Broken (https://a.co/d/idWXjvh) which is now available on Amazon.
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